I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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