My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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