I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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