using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So much Jack, so little girl.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
