Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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