**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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