Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
