By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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