i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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