when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
