I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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