oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
