Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
