I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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