i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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