so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
