I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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