I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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