do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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