Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
