You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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