he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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