I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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