So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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