Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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