I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
