i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
