That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
