We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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