unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
this is an emotional support booty call
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
