No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
