I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
