whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
