You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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