I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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