Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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