I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
