Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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