I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
