no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
