I want to stick my p in your. b.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
