This dress was meant to end up on your floor
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
