I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
