We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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