Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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