Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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