I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
