remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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