I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
