just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
