Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he puts the penis in happiness.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
