Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
