please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
