so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
