i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
