i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
false alarm, still single
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
