I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
