someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You've changed since you got that strap on
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
