My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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