it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just gargled with NyQuil
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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