You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
