Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
