Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
