i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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