nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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