Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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