There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize