She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
