Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
