Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
