I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
