I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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