genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
