What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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