i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
