It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
