i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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