Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize