So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
