I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
