I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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