someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
