I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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