I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
