i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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