If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
