That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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