In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
