if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
