member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
