i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
