nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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