I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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