Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
