this will be a night to untag.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
