yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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