No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
