just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
